Atheist church to rewrite Christian worship songs

MELBOURNE, VIC — An atheist church in Melbourne has taken the unusual step of re-writing classic Christian worship songs to sing as part of their weekly services.

Pastor Jason Dolan, who started the atheist church two years ago, said it was a natural next step for the movement.

“When we get together as a congregation there are all the usual communal goods of coffee, conversation and Christian-bashing, but we noticed lately that something’s missing – we don’t sing together,” Pastor Dolan explained.

“The challenge is that most of the good collective songs are in praise of the Christian sky fairy, which is something we obviously can’t adopt with our superior intellect. We decided to rewrite some of the old classics with lyrics that have a more modern, progressive message that doesn’t brainwash – Haha. I’m hilarious.”

Some of the titles that have already been adapted for the church include:

How great is our Reason

This I don’t believe

Good, Good Twitter 

What a friend we have in Dawkins

Here I am to debate

O Come to the Coffee House

10,000 Reasons to doubt

Shout to the Politicians

Worthy is the Flying Spaghetti Monster

It is further reported that Communion will be replaced by the ‘groove and coolness of hipster’ involving the receiving of avocado toast and a sip from an extra hot latte.

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