Albanese assures Church that, if elected, he can definitely be trusted to provide religious freedom

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CANBERRA, ACT – Opposition Leader, Anthony Albanese, has allegedly held a meeting with churches today to try and convince them that he can provide a Religious Discrimination Bill.

There had been significant concern by the Church recently, after they saw him try to secretly burn Christian schools in the Senate.

Leading a smiling crowd of activists, media, a few progressive liberals and holding an election bag full of silver, the Opposition Leader approached the Church to give them a holy kiss.

The Church, however, stopped Mr Albanese, asking:

“Holdeth on Albo, surely thou wouldn’t betrayeth us?” 

When the Christians surrounding the Church saw what was obviously going to happen, they shouted:

“Church, should we striketh them with our Bibles and Bishops and boycotts?”

And one of them, a tall disciple known as Martyn son of Iles, started to argue so sharply that he made one of the political staffer’s ears bleed.

But the Church declared “No more of this!”, and touched the man’s ear and healed him (with the man then falling on the ground and claiming he’d been oppressed).

Then the Church said to the activists, the media, and the Labor Opposition leader who had come for them:

“Art I leading a rebellion, that thou hath come with slander and threats and a pathetic attempt to ask pretend you will provide an actual Religious Discrimination bill?”

“Every day of the last two hundred years in this country I hath been with thou preaching the gospel and serving your communities.”

“Thou dids’t not lay a hand on us then, but this is your election when political darkness reigns.”

The crowd then seized the Church, leading them away to be strung up on the flagpole of the House of the Parliament.

To be continued…

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