Alan Jones denies being fired, rather that he was raised up in chariot beyond Sky

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SYNDEY, NSW –  Alan Jones has denied that he was fired from his role at Sky News Australia, indicating that he instead was transcending on a flaming chariot into heaven.

The veteran broadcaster had hosted his own show The Alan Jones Program on the network for 17 months before being abruptly let go.

He previously spent 20 years on breakfast radio preaching and prophesying, and before that was the coach of the Australian national rugby union team.

Damascus Dropbear managed to catch him for a last interview before he left on what looked like an impressive contraption driven by two flying horses with flames for manes.

“No, No, No. I wasn’t fired. They can’t fire me! I’m God’s anointed!” Mr Jones yelled.

“The time has just come for me to receive my reward as a good and faithful right-wing broadcaster.”

“The fact is I will never die – I am simply being taken to a place beyond the Sky News where my true prophetic voice is appreciated.”

“One day though I will return in sackcloth and be a witness to the End of Days caused by the anti-Christ Joe Biden.”

“And on that day no one will dare try and cancel me, lest they be burned up with the fire of truth shooting from my mouth.”

“Good night, good health and good God!”

As the broadcaster transcended, his cloak fell to the ground and the Damascus Dropbear was able to recover it – receiving a double portion of his spirit of controversy, shock-jockery, popularity, and defamation proceedings.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more prophetic news. To read more about the ‘prophetic complex’ of Elijah, see this piece in the Gospel Coalition.


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