AFL to register as political party

MELBOURNE, VIC – The Australian Football League (AFL) has announced that it is intending to register with the Australian Electoral Commission as a political party for the next federal election. This comes on the back of increasing involvement by the AFL in social and political issues, most recently in the #Blacklivesmatter campaign and same sex marriage vote.

AFL CEO, Gillon McLachlan, indicated that this was a natural next step for the organisation.

“We are not content with just being a bunch of blokes punting a ball from one end to the other. We have to evolve into serious players, demonstrating our ability to comment on and develop policy in all areas of complex social and legal situations. That is why we are declaring our intention to step out onto the political field and have a kick.”

The logistics are yet to be finalised, but McLachlan has suggested that as a political entity there will be some rule changes to the way the game is played.

“As part of our transition from football into politics, tactics such as shirt-fronting and elbowing are now permitted. Players will also be coached to handball tough situations off quickly, avoid taking the mark where possible, and play the man not the ball.”

“There will also no longer be any boundary line for players on the left-wing.”

When asked if it was wise to run AFL players as political candidates, considering the challenges evident around the formation of coherent sentences in post-match interviews, McLachlan replied that surely this would be an improvement on the current level of political rhetoric.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular

Copy link
Powered by Social Snap