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ABC studios flood after journalists drool over court case of Hillsong’s Brian Houston
ULTIMO, SYDNEY – The ABC news studio in Sydney has had to be evacuated over what emergency workers have termed as ‘excessive journalistic salivation’.
The flood was allegedly triggered by news of the upcoming court case of Hillsong’s executive pastor, Brian Houston, over accusations he knew about and did not report his father’s child sex offences from the 1970’s.
Even after the evacuation, ABC journalists on the street still appeared to be struggling to contain their drool.
“I mean, this bloody case has got everything we’ve ever dreamed of!” sprayed one still wet ABC journalist.
“Christianity, sex scandals, Hillsong, Pentecostals, secret pasts, multinationals, music, families, pastors – I just can’t contain myself.”
“And to top it off, the guy is good friends with our blooming Prime Minister! Jackpot baby!!”
“I keep pinching myself to see whether this is real – they are probably going to give me the golden hatchet journalism award for this one.”
Some more level-headed journalists have warned the ABC not to get too excited, reminding them of what happened last time when they were found to have provided vilified coverage against Cardinal George Pell.
Pell was later found by the High Court to be innocent after spending 405 days in jail, with the ABC unrepentant of their distortion of fact.
The pleas however have appeared to fall on deaf ears, and the Managing Director has transferred the entire ABC news team to the bottom of an empty swimming pool to avoid further flood damage.