ABC announce ‘harm and offence’ inquisition

ULTIMO, NSW – The ABC broadcaster has announced a ‘harm and offence’ inquisition into Australian media, including past and present programming.

The move comes  in the wake of increased concerns over systematic racism and LGBTIQ+ offence in media content, the most recent breach being a controversial cartoon hammered to the door of the ABC’s Ultimo studios by satirist Johannes Leak.

“We have decided that a full inquisition is required in order to ensure that what Australian’s see, hear and think meets current community standards and enforces ABC’s strict ideological policies on harm and offence,” spokesman Paul Barry from ABC’s Media Watch explained.

“We understand the extreme nature of invoking a Catholic Medieval practice of investigation traditionally associated with cruel and unusual punishments, but the need to address heresy is so great that such a move is once again warranted.”

The broadcaster went on to list some of the internal ABC programs to be ‘summoned’ for assessment against accusations that they fail to meet the new doctrinal standards:

Bluey – Stands accused of a central depiction of a traditional family unit with a mother and father which undermines LGBTIQM+ identity

Paw Patrol – Stands accused of portraying Chase, the police dog, as a positive role model who protects and serves rather than in the realistic light of police brutality

Blackadder – Stands accused of cross-dressing without the utilisation of any transgender actors, as well as the positive comedic representation of a murderous dictator, Queen Elizabeth I.

Black books – Stands accused of a lack of racial diversity and a misleading title, as well as racial stereotypes around the Irish.

Fawlty towers – Stands accused of racial slurs and condoning violence against minorities through the verbal and physical abuse of the Spanish employee, Manuel.

Mr Barry said ABC’s Media Watch would be utilised as a special task force, but was unwilling to discuss the timing and torture techniques used, simply indicating the inquisition would be ‘unexpected’.

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