3 dead after Daily Telegraph’s ‘dirt digging’ journalists triggers mudslide

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SYDNEY, NSW – Tragedy has occurred at the headquarters of the Daily Telegraph newspaper after a massive mudslide was unleashed, killing three people.

Early reports indicate that the collapse was triggered by the actions of a special journalistic unit within the newspaper dedicated to gathering dirt against Christians.

One of the witnesses working in the building described the catastrophe.

“It was terrifying, the whole building started shaking and then the mud just started pouring through,” security guard, Ed Sullivan, said.

“It swept right through the editor’s offices originally, almost like it was intentionally judging them first.”

“We only just got out, and I even dragged a few to freedom, but a few poor souls weren’t so lucky.”

One of the mud-covered journalists on the Christian dirt digging team, Danielle Gacy, explained what she suspected had triggered the event.

“We (the unit) had been gathering massive amounts of dirt for months to use against the Christians.”

“It didn’t matter whether it was good and true dirt or not, anything we threw at them was great clickbait so we just kept going.”

“Hillsong dirt was the best, it would always trend, but in all honesty most of it was rubbish.”

“We dug and dug whatever we could, kept piling it higher and higher, and then the unthinkable happened.”

“Who would’ve thought that gutter journalism might one day literally come back on our own heads!”

It is further reported that the Daily Telegraph newspaper has declined an offer by local churches to help clean up the mess, saying that after a quick hose down they were looking forward to returning to work in the muck and mire.

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