2020 peaks, Palmer United Party wins Queensland Election

BRISBANE, QLD – Clive Palmer’s ‘Palmer United Party’ (PUP) has won the Queensland election, in what Queensland voters have described as ‘hopefully 2020’s final surprise’.

Experiencing an incredible 35% swing across the state, ABC election commentator, Anthony Green, declared at 11:36pm that PUP have picked up a clear majority of 49 seats in the 93-seat parliament.

In his acceptance speech, Mr Palmer gave a hearty laugh, thanked his supporters, and expressed his surprise.

“Holy Moly! Would you fricken’ believe it!”

“I must confess I had my doubts, but Donald Trump showed that if you are a billionaire, and believe in yourself, then you can achieve anything.”

Neither former Premier Palaszczuk or Opposition Leader Frecklington have formally conceded yet to Mr Palmer, as it is believed that both major parties intend to legally challenge the result which they claim ‘reek of corruption‘.

Mr Palmer joked that although a legal challenge was likely, he says he’s been saving for such a rainy day:

“I’ve even got an ongoing loyalty deal with my lawyers – like a buy 10, get 1 free. They’ve done enough work lately, so I don’t think legal challenges will be a problem.”

Queensland church leaders have spoken exclusively to Damascus Dropbear following the result, saying that although they were praying for a change in Government, this result was unexpected.

“This shows God has a sense of humour,” Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge said.

“We don’t really know where Mr Palmer stands on sanctity of life, or any policy really, except the one involving placing dinosaurs on golf courses.”

It is further reported that Mr Palmer has indicated his first acts as Premier will be to change the state colour from maroon to high-vis yellow, declaring war on Western Australia, and anointing himself as King of Queensland using the new royal name of King Eglon.

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